Where do babies come from?
by warriorprincess27
Summary: Momiji's asked the question. It's his loss.
1. Where do babies come from?

**What happens when Momiji asks the inevitable question?**

**Momiji: Where do babies come from?**

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Shigure: Oh Momiji! Well, when I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half.

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Tohru: Uhh… umm…

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Shigure: It was, to put it bluntly, fascinating! … The lights, the faces… you know?

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Ayame: Well. (Winks suggestively). Let's start at the beginning with the very first Sohma bunny.

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Hatori: Momiji, perhaps you could ask your father about this.

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Akito: Don't ask me you useless rabbit! Go away and leave me in peace!

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Shigure: It was a little bit cold and uncomfortable, and wet… eurgh, how it was wet!

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Ayame: Mummy Sohma bunny met Daddy Sohma bunny, way back before they were even a Mummy and a Daddy.

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Tohru: Please, Momiji, ask… uhh… somebody else… ?

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Kyo: Why're you interested anyways bunny boy? You're never gonna get a girlfriend.

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Haru: (sighs) Technically, you don't need to know because I advise that you not repopulate.

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Shigure: But then they dried me off and… – well, I must admit I was a _bit _excited about being born, I mean, it only happens once in your lifetime – but by this time I was awfully hungry…

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Kagura: Aww… Momiji!

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Hatori: Where _did_ this come from though Momiji? Why are you so curious?

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Ayame: And Mummy Sohma thought Daddy Sohma bunny was very cute. And she wanted to have sex with him…

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Yuki: Aren't you a little young to know?

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Shigure: So, obviously, I tested out my vocal cords for the first time, crying at the top of my lungs. I could've almost got a world record for the response it got.

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Tohru: No, really, Momiji, please.

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Ayame: So Mummy Sohma Bunny said to Daddy Sohma bunny "Come to bed my honey bunny".

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Kyo: Seriously, you're kinda twisted to wanna know how _that _stuff works.

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Haru: If you die without repopulating, the world would be a better place.

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Hatori: Have thoughts of girls, any particularly pretty girls, triggered this sort of question?

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Yuki: You don't really need to know all that stuff yet.

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Ayame: And they both got in the bed and Daddy Sohma Bunny got really excited and wanted to get inside Mummy Sohma Bunny…

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Shigure: And it's amazing the power of a baby cry, really. I mean, I got fed instantly! I still remember that day… – my mother was quite a cutie you see – … _heaven_…

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Ayame: And so things got quite hot and steamy in that bedroom, Mummy Sohma bunny made lots of loud noises and Daddy Sohma replied with more loud noises.

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Uo: What, are ya gonna want a demonstration next kid?

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**Momiji: Can you please show me?**

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Kagura: Ooh! Kyo and I would _love _to be your demonstrators.

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Shigure: Uhh… I went through it once, never again. I was _sooo _worried I was pregnant. You need the proper contraception you know… at that tender age… (stares off into the distance)

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Haru: Yeah, sure, I'll give you a demonstration. With Miss Honda.

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Tohru: AHH! Momiji! I… I can't! Not… not now!

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Ayame: He he he… ready to get cosy?

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Shigure: I was at a loss… the love of my life had just vanished and I was so alone.

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Kyo: (scowls) What's with all the dumb questions? I'm not gonna give you a demonstration! As if!

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Hana: (points her forefingers to the ceiling) Okay, this will be your electric couple. They will come together and embrace.

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Kagura: KYO! MY LOVE! WHERE ARE YOU!

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Ayame: Where shall we begin?

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Hatori: Momiji, the act of two people making love is a private issue.

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Yuki: Momiji, did that stupid cat ask you to ask me all these questions?

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Uo: I'm not making out with you, kid. That's just wrong.

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Ayame: We could start with a nice, cosy, cup of warm...

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Kagura: KYO! COME HERE NOW!

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Shigure: (wipes away a tear) I'm sorry, it's so sad, bringing up the past. She was one of the cutest high school girls I shall ever meet…

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Hana: And their electrical signals connect and they lay in a bed together, their senses tingling.

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Tohru: Look, Momiji, I'm so, so, sosorry that Icouldn't help... but…

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Ayame: And after that... (winks)

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Shigure: She was so... her raven black tresses... her green eyes, so forget me not blue... Ayana... no, Haruka... no... that was...

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Hana: (putting her fingers together and entwining them) And they had bits that connected, sending sparks and shudders through each others' bodies...

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Kyo: It was that stupid rat wasn't it? WASN'T IT?

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Shigure: No... (frowns) Keiko... no! That was the brunette! Ha ha, sorry Momiji. I'll remember her name, it's on the top of my head... Shaya? No, she was the red head...

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Ayame: I'll demonstrate for you... where do you want to do it?

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Shigure: Chiyo! No, she was the one with short black hair and brown eyes...

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Kagura: KYO! COME HERE NOW OR I'LL HAVE TO COME UP THERE AND KILL YOU!

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Shigure: Larissa? Nooo... she was blonde...

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Ayame: My bed's soft... and feathery... (licks his lips)

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**Hatori: At this point I think Momiji ran and hid. Sorry, we can't find him. **


	2. Will Momiji never learn?

_**Will Momiji never learn?**_

**Momiji: Why do women's chests expand and men's don't?**

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Hatori: Oh, Momiji. Okay. It all comes down to genetics.

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Ayame: You know, I never really thought about that… (cups his flat chest)

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Shigure: Men have to have _something _interesting to look at!

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Ayame: I mean, if men enjoy squeezing them so much…

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Kyo: Why d'you think?

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Shigure: Also, breasts are there so that men can have something soft to fall on if they fall on a girl.

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Kagura: Well, what else would we use bras for?

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Tohru: MOMIJI! STOP!

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Yuki: Wow Momiji, you're really interested in this stuff aren't you?

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Hatori: Technically, every foetus is female before the sexual organs are decided…

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Hiro: You're asking _me_? I'm younger than you dickhead.

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Shigure: Otherwise it'll hurt the poor girl when we land on her flat chest and we might end up breaking their ribs.

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Ayame: Oh wow, Momiji! That's an ingenious question! Really!

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Hatori: Which is why men have nipples, even though they're flat chested.

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Ayame: But Santa wasn't flat chested… he was also fat though…

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Shigure: And we don't want to break her ribs, because you'd rather keep your eardrums intact and working…

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Hatori: That's why men have nipples in the first place…

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Shigure: (frowns thoughtfully) But she'd most likely be screaming in your ear because you fell on her in the first place…

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Ayame: I wonder what it's like? To have jelly dangling from your chest?

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Hatori: Because the nipples have appeared before the gender is decided.

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Shigure: I advise that you block your ears with earplugs before you ever fall on a girl.

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Ayame: Perhaps I'll go and get implants… ooh!

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Kyo: What, d'you think girls' shirts would look hot if they didn't have anything to fill them out?

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Tohru: Ooh look Momiji, there's food to cook! Let's forget this whole conversation and eat!

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**Hatori: Hmm, I've never know Tohru to be so forceful before…**

**Ayame: I could buy my very own pair of bikinis!**

**Shigure: Hmm...**


	3. How DO mermaids have sex?

_**Hiya guys! As Starskysea mentioned in a review, Momiji IS old enough to know about all this and do it, but hey, where's the fun if you look at technicalities. Thanks for pointing that out though! AND THANK YOU GUYS FOR REVIEWING! On to more disturbing matters…**_

**Momiji: How do mermaids do _it_?**

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Shigure: You know, I think you should capture one and find out!

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Kagura: Go fishing and ask them! "How do you f!#?"

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Ayame: Maybe they lay eggs… like fish!

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Kyo: I dunno. D'you actually think mutant fish like that exist?

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Tohru: OH!

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Shigure: Ask for a PERSONAL demonstration, especially if it's a sexy female with long golden blonde hair…

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Ayame: Or maybe they give birth like dolphins?

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Shigure: And BIG tits… VERY big. Cause mermaids don't have bras to wear, do they?

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Kagura: If they don't comply, smash 'em over the head and hold them hostage! That always works… (strokes her frying pan lovingly)

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Ayame: You know, I was a mermaid in a past life…

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Hatori: Technically, if you look at their genetic make-up, there is no possible way for these fantasy creatures to breed.

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Ayame: A hotheaded young thing too, all the mer-guys wanted to marry me. I was a princess!

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Hiro: You idiot. Mermaids aren't _real_.

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Ayame: But I fell in love with a human… (silence)

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Shigure: I wonder what they drink, everything would be tainted with seawater!

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Ayame: OW! Hatori just hit me over the head, Momiji.

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Kagura: You know, next time I'm beside the sea, I'm going to ask that.

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Akito: Ugh, you immature rabbit. Mermaids are just as likely to exist as Unicorns or… leprechauns…

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Shigure: You can't drug them underwater, can you?

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Akito: Don't look so flattened. I'm only telling the truth.

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Rin: Well, when my horse form can fly maybe I'll actually believe you asked that question with a trace of sanity.

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Kyo: You seriously don't want to own up to asking something that stupid.

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Yuki: …

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Shigure: Why did you ask anyway Momiji? Aren't you happy being a cursed human? Would you rather be part fish?

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Ayame: Don't ask me any more questions. Hatori ruined my fun.

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_Any ideas for questions? Shoot 'em at me. I'm willing to listen and reply! Thanks a bunch!_


	4. Why is the sky blue?

_**Back, again, this time with a question donated by eastercat. Thanks! And, like she pointed out, no, they don't all have to be questions about how whatever-species-it-is mates, they can be other questions. However, with Ayame and Shigure answering the questions? They can twist it…**_

_**DISCLAIMER: (may as well, I mean, everybody knows this already though.) I don't own ANYTHING. (to do with Fruba or anything else at all.) Here we are!**_

**Momiji: Why is the sky blue?**

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Haru: …

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Shigure: Ooh! It's cause we're all looking up God's wife's skirt!

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Haru: And you're asking about this, why?

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Ayame: (glances up and stares) You know, I never noticed that…

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Yuki: Oh dear…

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Kisa: It's not always blue. Sometimes it's black.

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Yuki: Momiji, don't listen to anything Shigure or Ayame tell you on this subject.

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Shigure: Or it could be God's skirt? Who knows?

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Hiro: You idiot, everybody knows it's a reflection of the sea.

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Shigure: He might be a cross dresser!

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Tohru: It's blue because blue is such a pretty colour!

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Haru: You really don't want to know why _I _think the sky is blue.

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Uo: Kid, you've got some weird questions.

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Ayame: Are we _sure _it's blue though? I mean, our eyes might be deceiving us!

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Shigure: But that's not right, I mean what else do you think the Black Holes in Space are?

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Uo: Are you sure carrot top didn't knock the sense outta ya?

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Hana: It's a reflection of all the electrical signals coming together.

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Shigure: Unless God had a sex change…

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Hana: They are One.

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Shigure: But she MUST be female…

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Hatori: There are many theories and I'm a doctor, not a rocket scientist.

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Shigure: Cause the Black Holes are the bits where all the baby Gods and Goddesses come out!

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Kyo: Stop asking me stupid questions ya dumb bunny!

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Shigure: And they call _me _a pervert. What about all those guys who look up at nighttime with their telescopes!

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Akito: It's blue because I say it's blue!

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Rin: It's not blue. You're just an idiot.

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Shigure: They're looking straight up her skirt!

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Kureno: Akito says that it's because of her, and I believe her.

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Shigure: She doesn't want to be perved on like that! The stars are her blanket.

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Ayame: I mean, _all _the colours we see could be different! What about the people who are colour blind, what if they're seeing the REAL colours and _we're_ all colour blind?

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Shigure: And the moon and the sun are her luscious bosoms.

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Ayame: Our brains are in a conspiracy to corrupt us!

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Yuki: … Are you _sure_ it's blue, Momiji?

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Shigure: And all the planets are her pimples and moles.

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Ayame: There's something going on here that we don't know about!

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Haru: No, I'm serious, walk away now.

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Ayame: One by one, the colours in the world are going to strangle us!

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Shigure: She's not really that attractive at all is she?

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Kagura: It's cause somebody left the water running up in Heaven…

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Akito: DON'T QUESTION MY WORD!

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Kagura: If the sky falls in on us we'll be very wet.

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Ayame: AHHH! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

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Shigure: I'll suggest Hatori to prescribe pimple cream to 'Mrs Blue-Sky'.

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Hatori: Don't listen to any suggestions from Shigure.

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Ayame: Unless... if I looked like the sky, would I die?

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Tohru: All people's thoughts and feelings come together and mix to make that pretty blue colour…

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Ayame:Maybe I should weave a sky blue dress and go out in the street!

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Tohru: Aww, that's such a sweet question Momiji!

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Ayame: Would I blend in with the sky?

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Shigure: She'd be much prettier then.

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Ayame: Would I be able to be invisible to the ferocious killer colours?

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Kureno: Akito's word is law.

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Ayame: Maybe I could learn to fly!

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**Hatori: Well, Ayame's now in hospital because he attempted to jump off a cliff…**

**Shigure: He was wearing such a pretty blue dress too. It almost acted like a parachute… **

_**Until next time folks. I'm trying, very slowly (don't think it's working though) to make chapters longer. Meh, whatever. Thanks for reviewing! Keep 'em coming! I get all warm fuzzies, lol. Seeya in Chap 5!**_


	5. Mars or Venus?

_**Again, I'm back! Whoa, I've updated a lot today… or is it just that it feels like it? I don't think that much has been achieved. Just a couple of short chapters. Lol. Rightio, this question came from SonMina! Thanks heaps!**_

**Momiji: What's the difference between men and women?**

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Rin: Bunny boy, are you _blind_?

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Kagura: We have big knockers! (shakes her boobs in Momiji's face)

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Rin: _Men's _bulges are a hell of a lot lower than female's bulges.

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Ayame: (unzips his pants) I'll show you…

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Shigure: Women are useful for only _one _thing.

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Haru: Well, seeing as you asked, apparently women are from Venus and men are from Mars.

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Shigure: Oh, what's the difference? HAHAHAHA!

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Ayame: Women don't have… (points down) … _that_

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Shigure: They can cook, for starters.

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Rin: Women and men are _nothing _alike.

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Shigure: And sing! Although they tend to sing in the shower…

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Tohru: (blushing) Uhh… well… women have…

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Haru: Which is obviously complete crap.

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Shigure: Or perhaps it's not so much singing, more like warbling…

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Rin: Except for Akito… you can't tell _what _that fricking shim is.

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Yuki: Don't tell me you're that stupid.

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Haru: It's not true, seriously.

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Shigure: A bit like a dying bird.

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Tohru: And… well… men have…

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Haru: We're all from the same planet, just males evolved in the right places.

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Shigure: But both men and women seem to have this problem…

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Kyo: Ask Haru, he combines the two by being part cow.

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Haru: I DO NOT!

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Kyo: And tell him when you see him that it's rude to eavesdrop.

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Tohru: Hey look, there's a stray rice ball Momiji!

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Hiro: … I'm not even going to stoop to the level of answering that.

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Tohru: Chase it! It's getting away!

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Ayame: And their mothers, if they want a girl, eat a lot of jelly…

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Shigure: Oh! And they can get the stains off of undies.

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Ayame: …before the baby is born so that their child will have boobs on its chest.

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Hatori: (shaking his head) This is why I passed medical school and Ayame didn't.

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Shigure: They're the two main differences.

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Hatori: You _are_ old enough to read, you should look this stuff up, Momiji.

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Shigure: Without women, men would starve and walk around all dirty down under.

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Uo: Uhh… should I take that as an insult and smash you?

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Kisa: … last time I checked, you were older than me…

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Hana: I shall search for a suitable asylum for you.

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Uo: Or take that as a compliment and smash you?

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Haru: (furious) DO YOU WANT TO TAKE ME ON YOU STUPID CAT!

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Kyo: YA DAMN COW! STOP LISTENING IN!

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Uo: Either way, compliment or insult, it's disturbing. Tell those two to shut up.

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Akito: _I _am the difference between Man and Woman.

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Rin: YEAH! YOU'RE A SHIM!

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Yuki: Girls tend to obsess over little things.

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Shigure: And you _wouldn't _want to risk illness to your precious little man…

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Ayame: Ingenious, really. I suppose fathers eat a lot of coconut before conceiving if

they want a little boy…

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Shigure: Although I'm under the impression that Ayame had his removed.

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Kagura: And they spurt out milk when we've got a baby!

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Ayame: And a sausage, I think they most definitely eat a sausage too.

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Rin: Ugh, I won't be able to eat sausages for the rest of my life now.

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Ayame: It depends on the size of the sausage for how big in size the little boy will be.

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Kureno: Akito is sharpening a long silver sword to behead whoever called out that she is a shim.

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Yuki: And men take life at their own pace.

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Kureno: Akito would also like to point out that she is not a shim. She is a she.

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Ayame: My father didn't eat a very big sausage and my mother must've eaten a little bit of jelly before I was born…

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Akito: I would also like to say that I can speak for myself thank you very much.

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Ayame: Or maybe I'm just fat.

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Yuki: Oh my god, my brother has girly issues.

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Shigure: Momiji, you do realise that throughout this whole time everybody's been eavesdropping on everybody else?

_**Another one bites the dust! DONE,DONE AND DONE! I'll be back with whatever other suggestions have come up… and you're sparking ideas galore. You guys are brilliant! Chap 6 coming soon…**_


	6. What is the meaning of life?

_**Chap 6 coming… soon? Hahaha, sorry, it's obviously been longer than 'soon' since I've updated so I'll just feel guilty and go and hide now… no. THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You guys are absolutely BRILLIANT! I've probably said this before… but hey, I said it again. Rightio, this question comes from Artemis Dea Vita (cool name!) Hehehe… **_

**Momiji: What is the meaning of life?**

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Yuki: Life? That's a tough one…

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Kagura: TO LIVE! YOU'VE GOT TO LIVE TO BE ALIVE!

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Kyo: My whole point of existence is to kill the rat…

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Shigure: Well, to women, I'm like a God, you see?

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Hatori: Do you think anybody can honestly answer this one Momiji?

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Shigure: I am _their _whole meaning of life.

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Ritsu: I DON'T KNOW! I FEEL SO BAD THAT I DON'T KNOW! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! PLEASE!

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Hiro: I think this is why Ritsu wasn't asked any questions in the first place…

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Akito: _I _am the meaning of life.

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Rin: Well, the meaning of _my _life is to cause as much pain to annoying shits as possible.

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Akito: Because _I _am God.

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Tohru: To live is a Gift, Momiji. A Gift from the Heavens.

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Akito: And everybody must do as I will them to.

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Tohru: But not a Gift from Akito. He… I mean, _she _doesn't think like that.

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Yuki: I think, I think it's to teach us things?

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Hiro: This is so stupid.

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Hatori: A lot of people have trouble with this question Momiji.

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Shigure: Without me, women would have to turn gay with each other.

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Kureno: Why live? What's the point of living?

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Hatori: There is nobody in this world who can come up with a right answer.

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Hana: So that the sonic waves in the Universe can intertwine…

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Uo: Riiight. So you're turning all philosophical on us now, eh kid?

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Hana: …In the Divine Order…

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Kyo: I _will _kill that damn rat…

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Ayame: Shigure is _my _meaning…

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Hana: …Something beyond us has given life a meaning.

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Shigure: Oh Ayame, my sexy poppet.

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Hana: To know that meaning would be our destruction.

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**_Right, I'm a bit skeptical about this one, but I suppose it's up to you guys to decide. Hehe... this is not the only chapter I'll update today. By the way, I thought originally I'd do all the questions in the order I'd got them, but I think I'll end up doing them in the order I'm inspired for them. Does that make sense? Whatever. Thanks a bunch!_**


	7. Why did the chicken cross the road?

_**WHY? That is a question we all must answer one day… heh. Yeah, anyways, this question also came from Artemis Dea Vita. Sooo… I'll just get straight into it rather than bore you to tears with ranting. But hey, ranting is fun! Seeya at the end!**_

**Momiji: Why did the chicken cross the road? (AN: WHY OH WHY! Sorry, I'm in a hypo mood)**

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Ritsu: I'M SORRY! REALLY!

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Hatori: Possibly Shigure may have been behind the wheel and the thing was suicidal?

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Kagura: It was dared…

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Hiro: How am I expected to know what goes through a bird's mind?

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Kagura: …By a friend of a friend of mine.

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Ritsu: I DIDN'T MEAN TO RUN IT OVER!

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Hatori: This is an old chicken joke.

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Ayame: It saw my shop!

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Rin: Likely as not it was running away from a butcher shop.

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Shigure: I was behind the wheel…

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Ritsu: IT WAS IN THE WAY!

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Ayame: And couldn't wait to get inside!

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Ritsu: I'M SO SORRY!

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Shigure: The thing must've been suicidal.

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Kagura: Cause Kyo wanted chicken for lunch

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Shigure: Or maybe it was acting in as the crossing lady?

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Yuki: Technically it was probably escaping from a stupid feline similar in appearance to our darling Kyo.

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Kagura: And I knew chickens were stupid.

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Kureno: I've gone temporarily deaf and I did _not _just hear that.

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Shigure: But really, who'd hire a chicken that can't be seen until the last second?

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Rin: HAHAHAHA! It was probably running to the government office to sign for divorce papers!

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Kagura: So this… er… 'friend of a friend of mine' dared it.

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Rin: Who'd want to be married to Kureno?

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Akito: How should I know? Fowls are too stupid to understand anything really.

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Ritsu: IT PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN A REAL ROAD!

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Kyo: Stupid bird.

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Ritsu: I PROBABLY RAN OVER AN INNOCENT CHICKEN THAT WASN'T EVEN ON THE ROAD!

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Kyo: Stupid rat.

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Rin: So it probably _was _willing to die.

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Yuki: You immature cat, you think I can't hear you?

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Kyo: YOU CALLIN' ME IMMATURE YA DUMB RAT, EH?

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Rin: 'Till death do us part'.

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Hatori: There are many answers, none of them even remotely worth going into.

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Ritsu: I'LL PAY FOR THE FUNERAL! I WILL!

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Kisa: A chicken?

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Ritsu: BECAUSE IT DESERVES A FUNERAL!

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Tohru: Oh the poor, poor thing… we should look for it! It might be lost!

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Rin:A... funeral? Has the monkey got a hinge loose?

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Uo: Who cares about a dumb chook? Catch it, cook it, eat it. It probably escaped from some old lady in the market or somethin'.

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Ritsu: I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL IT!

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Hatori: Let's leave it there for today, why don't we? Ritsu will be having seizures if he keeps up.

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_**More scepticism. I know what I'm going to do next though… mwahahahaha! Okay, no, so that didn't work. It just sounds like a sloppy kiss turned into laughter rather than having the evil effect intended for it… EVIL LAUGHTER HAS BEEN TAINTED! Sorry guys, thanks for reading and reviewing all previous chapters. (salutes) Seeya sometime soon!**_


	8. What makes people cry?

**_Here we go again! OH WOW! Ha ha, I've posted a coupla stories already, but a while back Kute Anime Kitty pointed out that I had originally completely neglected to add Ritsu! GAH! So, now's he's been added, among the others. (Mainly the one that yells and pleads… and says sorry… a lot…) But thanks for all the reviews! AND the questions! Haha! This is heaps of fun! Keep 'em coming! This question comes from Teh Future Mrs Kyo Sohma. I'm sorta skipping from the different questions in order of whatever I'm inspired to write for. But duly note that I WILL use all questions in the end. If I've missed your question you have permission to hit me over the head none-too-lightly with a frying pan. But thanks a heap everybody! Ciao for now!_**

**Momiji: What makes people cry?**

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Ayame: Well, when babies are first born…

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Shigure: Okay, this is how it works…

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Ritsu: I don't know…

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Ayame: Doctors take them by their heel and dip them in a barrel of ice-cold water…

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Shigure: …First they drink a lot of water…

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Kagura: Squirt onions in their faces! That always works!

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Ayame: Otherwise they won't be able to cry without the water…

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Ritsu: I mean, I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO NOT KNOW!

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Shigure: And then put on a thing called crocodile tears…

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Ritsu: IT'S ALL MY FAULT!

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Ayame: And the baby will explode…

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Shigure: Of course, this only works if you're part crocodile.

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Ritsu: I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING AT ALL!

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Hiro: Well it's when they're sad dumbarse.

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Ritsu: AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!

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Ayame: This is why it is absolutely ESSENTIAL to have a barrel of ice-cold water to tip over a baby...

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Ritsu: AND ANYTHING ABOUT NOTHING!

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Tohru: Tears are the language of the soul.

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Ayame: Or to dip a baby in.

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Tohru: Or is that laughter?

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Ayame: Exploded babies are useless.

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Shigure: If you're not… then crying is just not for you.

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Hatori: People can cry for many reasons.

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Ayame: They'll never get the chance to grow up at all.

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Kyo: Ya stupid, dumb, rabbit. If I ever catch you cryin'…

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Rin: If you cry openly, you're weak.

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Kagura: WHEN IT RAINS! …

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Rin: Crying is seen as weakness.

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Kyo: Guys aren't supposed to cry.

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Yuki: Have you caught anyone crying, Momiji?

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Kagura: When it rains, people can't see the tears falling down your cheeks…

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Yuki: Was it that dumb cat?

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Kyo: HEY!

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Yuki: Or was it just a general question?

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Haru: Not all people cry.

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Akito: Don't you dare bring this up with me.

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Tohru: (remembering) But people also cry when they're afraid.

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Ayame: PLUS, you'd have a lot of mess to clean up.

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Akito: My private affairs are _my _private affairs.

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Ayame: If your baby exploded, I mean.

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Hiro: Cause if they're sad, of course they're gonna cry!

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Hana: It's their way to express their emotions.

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Ayame: And I suppose the mother would be sad.

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Hatori: It's a reaction of the same pheromones that cause you to laugh

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Uo: If you don't drink water, you can't cry.

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Hatori: … As well as causing you to cry.

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Rin: I'm done listening to you Momiji.

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Ayame: It's probably harder for people like us….

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Yuki: People like us? What's he talking about Momiji?

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Ayame: Who're cursed…

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Shigure: High school girls, high school girls!

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Ayame: Because then you'd be dipping a baby rabbit, or a baby horse, or a baby cow…

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Shigure: People cry over just how pretty I am.

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Kyo: (gags)

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Ayame: Or a baby chicken, or a baby tiger, or a baby dog, or a baby cat…

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Shigure: It's really quite flattering.

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Ayame: Or a baby pig, or a baby sheep, or a baby God…

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Kagura: Kyo, do you cry for me? CRY FOR ME DAMMIT!

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Ayame: Or a baby snake… or a baby seahorse… or a baby rat… or a baby monkey… or a baby rabbit…

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Tohru: (sweat drop)

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Ayame: Oh, I said rabbit twice did I? Hahah… sorry…

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Hatori: So you can just as easily cry as you can laugh.

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Ayame: Anyways, you dip the baby chicken or the baby rabbit, or the baby seahorse, or the baby tiger or the…

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Kyo: Tell him to shut up, would ya?

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Ayame: …you get the picture. Hahahaha! So you dip them into the water. And with the bigger babies, it's harder…

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Ritsu: I'M SORRY, DID YOU SEE ME CRYING? I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO CRY!

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Ayame: And most of the time they don't dip them in time and there's baby horse or cow bits all over the room…

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**Hatori: (interrupting) Let's leave it there for now… Ayame could go on all day. **

**Yuki: _Why _did I have to be personally related to him?**

**_Touche. I'm distracted now, so this is the last for now. Review if you will. Please? Haha! Nah, I don't like begging. Seeya! Have fun!_**


	9. What? Why? And are there?

_**Hey hey! I'm putting two or three (haven't decided yet) questions in this chapter because I've got a whole list and I seriously think something like 30-something chapters is a helluva lot. Lol. 'Why are we cursed' comes from Starskysea!**_

_**AND, I can't reply to them, because they're anonymous, but I give A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL THE ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS! THANKS A HEAP! Okay, I'll stop ranting and let you read now.**_

**Momiji: Why are we cursed?**

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Yuki: …

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Kagura: Ask Akito!

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Haru: Do I _look _like I have the ability to go back in time and see?

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Kagura: Akito will know!

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Hatori: There was an ancient legend.

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Yuki: Why are we cursed…

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Akito: I was in a bitchy mood at the time of everybody's creation.

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Kyo: _You _might be cursed. At least I'm not small, annoying, and disgustingly flamboyant.

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Akito: So I decided to make life hell for everybody.

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Tohru: Oh Momiji, I don't know!

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Kyo: And I don't f#! everything that moves!

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Ritsu: IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!

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Akito: Ahh, power…

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Shigure: Oh, I'm not cursed.

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Ritsu: I DON'T KNOW HOW! BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN!

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Shigure: I've got girls swarming all over me from every direction.

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Ritsu: I'M SO SORRY!

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Hiro: How am I supposed to know, you idiot?

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Kisa: Some people might take this question to heart Momiji…

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Ritsu: SO…(chokes)… SORRY! I MEAN IT!

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Ayame: Well, I don't think there's really much we can do about it.

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Shigure: I just pretend to be cursed, to make you guys feel better.

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Kisa: You should be careful

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Ritsu: REALLY REALLY!

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Hatori: Not a day goes by when I wish that we weren't cursed.

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Akito: Oh shut up, all of you, or I'll make the next generation into animals that poof into humans when hugged by an animal of the opposite sex.

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Ritsu: NOOOOO, IT'S ALL MEEEEEE!

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Ayame: He's rather self-absorbed, that one.

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**_Rightio, I've hit a predicament. A couple of people have come up with the same suggestions (i.e. This question is one of them) but I'll give the credit to neko-girl4 because she came up with it first. Anywho, you probably don't want me dribbling on so, seeya at the end!_**

**Momiji: What came first, the chicken or the egg?**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Ayame: WELL, when I was a little baby chicken…

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Kagura: Ask Kureno!

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Ayame: I asked my mummy chicken the same question.

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Kagura: Maybe he gave birth to eggs once upon a time or something!

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Hatori: The egg was around a lot longer than the chicken.

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Ayame: She flapped her wings at me and tried to eat me.

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Hatori: (sweat drop) Ayame is losing his sanity very slowly…

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Shigure: Back in the Jurassic periods…

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Kagura: Hehehe… I think Kureno must've had to have… the 's' word first though…

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Shigure: When the dinosaurs were around…

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Hiro: The egg, duh, chickens aren't as old as the dinosaurs.

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Shigure: The dinosaurs didn't get pregnant.

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Tohru: Eggs? Oh no… wait… were Pterodactyls a type of early chicken?

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Shigure: They laid eggs.

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Uo: Humungous eggs that would've made for good cooking… yeah yeah, we get where you're going with this Shigure.

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Shigure: And instead of beautiful little mini-me's coming out of the eggs…

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Haru: You're asking _me_? I do believe Kagura suggested you ask Kureno.

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Shigure: There were ugly baby dinosaurs.

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Kureno: WHAT! I DON'T LAY EGGS!

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Akito: What came first? Whatever I goddam wanted to come first!

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Kureno: WHAT CAME FIRST? I DON'T KNOW! DON'T ASK ME!

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Ayame: But I ran away and discovered something about myself…

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Ritsu: The egg!

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Ayame: When I looked at my own reflection in the water…

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Ritsu: No, the chicken!

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Kisa: Maybe both of them came at the same time, Momiji?

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Ayame: I saw that I'd grown into a beautiful swan!

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Ritsu: OH NO! I DON'T KNOW! I'M SORRY!

_**Don't be, the world's a helluva lot more fun if you don't know everything, lol. Well, this is depressingly short… I've been skimping on my chapters! Okay, I'll put another question in. Lol… it's cheating! Well, this question came from eastercat… (drumroll)**_

**Momiji: Are there aliens?**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Hana: Are there stars?

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Ayame: I'm an alien.

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Hana: Then yes, there are aliens.

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Ayame: Oh how devastated Yuki-boy would be if he only knew…

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Haru: Yes, there are aliens, and I'm a cow that can jump over the moon.

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Ayame: I can't go on,livingwith such a secret!

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Hana: They live on the stars.

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Shigure: Aliens used to exist…

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Haru: Momiji, you dimwit, that was sarcasm.

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Shigure: Then I was born and my beauty blew them into oblivion

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Haru: I _can't _actually jump over the moon.

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Tohru: OOH! Maybe… maybe… maybe my mum is a star?

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Shigure: Ahh… they haven't returned since.

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Ayame: If he knew… if only he knew…

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Hiro: (watching Ayame) So Ayame has been a chicken that turned into a swan, a mermaid, a baby bunny, part woman, and now an alien.

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Ayame: Precisely.

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Hatori: I'll have to check his health records.

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Kisa: Aliens don't exist…

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Kyo: Ugh, Tohru's mum? A star? How can she be dead, _and_ a star at the same time?

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Shigure: Actually, they might have returned to monitor us.

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Uo: Huh? Aliens? Sure kid, and I'm Santa.

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Shigure: And how our lives are playing out…

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Ritsu: I MET ONE! AND I KILLED IT!

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Shigure: They could be watching our every move…

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Ritsu: I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I'M A MURDERER!

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Shigure: Choosing the right moment to strike.

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Ritsu: IT GAVE ME A BASEBALL BAT!

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_**Dun, dun, dun… short answers, not quite so long as they should be… (guilty grin) but… uh… I don't like that last one, it didn't play out so well. I'll come back and think in more detail about the next chapters… hehehe… anyways, I hope this plays up to peoples expectations, mostly anyways. THANK YOU AGAIN TO ALL REVIEWERS AND ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS! And I'll see you sometime soon!**_


	10. Haru, boy, cow, why?

**_I'M BACK! _**

**_OMG! YOU GUYS ARE SO ABSOLUTELY, 100, SENSATIONALLY AWESOME! I thank absolutely EVERYBODY for all the reviews and questions and I'll say that now I have over 50 questions for Momiji to ask! HOLY BAJEEBAS! So thank you, I'm so excited. And I'll reply to every review no matter how many times you've reviewed… hehe… THANKS BUNCHES! _**

_**Anywho, this first question comes from neko-girl4! Lol. I cheated again, I'm sorry... but I've been working heaps and COMPLETELY forgot about fanfic... (blushes) Sorry! But, THANKS AGAIN! WOOT!**_

**Momiji: What's a period?**

Yuki: … okay, I'll interpret that into 'a period of time'.

Kagura: Red cordial! Well, it looks like red cordial.

Hatori: Momiji, that's a woman's issue.

Kagura: But it's not red cordial, not really.

Haru: (disgusted) Oh Momiji, now that's just wrong.

Yuki: (clears throat) I refuse to see any other way to look at the issue.

Rin: Okay, bunny boy, walk out of this room, come back in and say that again with a straight face.

Tohru: Momiji! Have you started? Ooh!

Haru: That's for women… it stays (points across the room) over there…

Tohru: Oh wait… Momiji, you shouldn't be asking things like this!

Haru: … in their corner…

Akito: (bitterly) It's hell. Especially when… HEY! I'M GOD! STOP ASKING ANNOYING QUESTIONS!

Kyo: Okay, ya dumb rabbit, this is the last time…

Hana: Oh my, you are a deranged thing, aren't you?

Uo: Uh huh… yeah, right, and you wear skirts to school? Are you… like… a 'woman' down… below?

Hatori: I hope you're not going to ask me to give you a sex change.

**Momiji: (sweat drop, rapid change of subject) ---- **HE DID IT TO HIMSELF THOUGH!

**_(next question from SakuraRibbons!)_**

**Momiji: What are 'dirty magazines'?**

Hiro: Ugh, books with dirt on them.

Shigure: Ooh, you're giving me a… (glances down)

Mitsuru: HAVE YOU NO SHAME, SHIGURE!

Haru: Let me corrupt your 'innocence'.

Tohru: Ooh! I've read some of Kyo's, they're very arousing...

Kyo: … (understandably shocked into silence) …

Tohru: All those pictures of those _naughty _women… grrr… (purrs)

Haru: (nodding) Okay, somebody's already corrupted Tohru.

Kyo: (opens mouth… goes to talk… chokes… closes it…)

Hatori: Indeed. Momij, what have you done to Miss Honda? All these questions…

Yuki: Momiji, stop there before you disturb more people.

Tohru: Come here… I'll show you a method I've learnt in the book…

Haru: OI! BUNNY! STEP BACK! THIS IS THE WRONG MOMENT FOR AN AMATEUR LIKE YOU!

Shigure: Seems I'm not the only one aroused.

Mitsuru: (hits Shigure over the head) STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

Shigure: (thoughtfully, rubbing his head) I have half an idea for a novel on how to deal with conflict in the workplace…

Kyo: … Tohru's… been… in my room...?

Mitsuru: (cries) … why? WHY?

Shigure: Would you like a 'magazine' Mi-Chan?

Rin: Hell, you're deprived mate.

Uo: I showed Tohru where the stack was, carrot-top.

Kyo: … Tohru's… been… in my room… reading... my magazines... without... me?

Tohru: (winks) Oh I wanted you there… I wanted to come in while you were sleeping...

Haru: OI, OI! LOOK THIS WAY!

Hatori: (worried) Shall we move on, Momiji?

_**(Helena Valentine! Lol... I think this bout of questionings are drawing to an end, I dunno. It's up to you guys what you think. If it's all getting repetivtive, I'll leave it while I'm ahead...)**_

**Momiji: How come Haru's a boy but he turns into a cow?**

Haru: (sulking) Gee, way to bring a guy back to earth eh?

Kyo: He's gay.

Ayame: The Sohma blood is rather strange…

Hatori: He defies all laws of nature.

Kagura: HE'S A DAIRY COW!

Haru: Great, let's just talk about the cow, why don't we? Why not the horse? Or the bunny? Or hey, even the domestic cat?

Kyo: YOU WANNA TAKE ME ON ?

Haru: BRING IT!

Kyo: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Shigure: (sighing) He merely has no particular gender.

Haru: (freezes, turns around, glowers) _WHAT?_

Hana: Indeed, what?

Akito: I thought I'd be nice to him.

Haru: (scowls heavily, punches Kyo in the face)

Kagura: We haven't milked you yet, you know Haru?

Momiji: YEAH! WE SHOULD MILK YOU, HARU!

Haru: YOU ASKED THE QUESTION YOU IDIOT!

Tohru: STOP YELLING, YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!

Shigure: What I mean, is that he can't possibly be completely male, although his human form appears so…

Ayame: My dear Shigure, where is this going?

Rin: He'll want Haru to strip so he can perve on his sexy body under the pretence of looking to see what gender Haru is.

Kagura: GREAT IDEA! Haru, STRIP!

Tohru: OH! (runs out)

Kyo: … we don't want a cow to strip.

Kagura: OUR PLAN B IS GETTING AWAY!

Ayame: What, Tohru?

Haru: I am NOT stripping.

Kagura: YES, Tohru. We want Haru to strip…

Haru: I AM NOT GOING TO STRIP!

Kagura: So Tohru should hug him and make him into a cow, and he'll come back naked.

Haru: I WILL NOT STRIP FOR YOU PEOPLE!

Shigure: Yes, well, whatever we're planning to do to Haru, can we do it quickly? I'm rather peckish…

_**If it's all repetitive, empty, not as good as previous, or whatever, let me know, and I'll stop it and move onto creating other stories. Should update HEAPS more in the future, but that's what they always say, so don't take my word for it. SORRY! Lol. No, I will, seriously. Heh... THANKS AGAIN GUYS! (salutes) Seeya for now!**_

****

**_STEVE IRWIN, CROC HUNTER, REST IN PEACE MATE! (cries) Australia will miss him... the world will miss him... but obviously, I can only see Australia's point of view from here... Goodbye._**


End file.
